Hypnotist's Ring
by Mythicatalyst
Summary: My speculations on what life would be like for Naruto, if he had somehow acquired a mind-controlling device. Naturally, chaos ensues, or... It might, depends.


'_Dear Brat_

_Tazuna here! Everyone at wave says hi, and we all wanted to thank you again for what you've done for us._

_We also sent you a little somethin'… Open the box!'_

Naruto smiled, those guys at wave were really the best! Maybe they sent him ramen? He opened the box and frowned, disappointed. It wasn't a bowl of ramen, it was a ring. Albeit a very fancy one, it was silver with a small red Emerald on it.

It was, without question, the nicest thing he now had in his possession. There was also a note attached to it, although it was a bit longer.

'_Sorry it's not ramen. But I'd say that it's better!_

_We found it in some cave a few weeks back. It's worth quite a bit, so you could sell it. That's what I was going to do before I found out what it did'_

Naruto looked confused, "Ne? What does it do? Make you look rich?"

'_Firstly, it makes you look rich, and secondly… It's a hypnotist's ring. If you say the right words and have someone look deep into the emerald, they will be yours to control! Nice eh?_

The blond scoffed, that sounded ridiculous! He was this close to just throwing it all away. But out of common courtesy decided to read on.

_Okay, when you want to control someone, just call them something. Call them anything and they will ask to see your ring, as if they hadn't even heard you. _

_And when they ask to see the ring, you can say 'fuck off' or something and the spell will go away. Or, you can show it to them, and then you wait five seconds, and then ask "Can you hear me?" your answer will probably be a nod, or a simple 'yeah'. Then you tell them your orders._

_When you finish, you say that on the count of three or five or whatever, you will snap your fingers or clap your hands and then they will awake, act as if nothing happened, and walk away to do whatever you told them to do._

_Have fun kid!'_

Naruto crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash.

He looked at the ring curiously, "Does this thing really do all that shit..?" He yawned, as it was around the time when he went to bed. "Whatever… it can wait till' tomorrow…" Still, he put the ring on his finger and threw the box away. "No sense in wasting a perfectly good ring by not wearing it!"

And so, without any further ado, he plopped down onto his couch and promptly fell asleep.

-**Morning**-

Naruto messily slurped down his bowl of instant ramen. He rubbed his tummy, "Ahh… Nothin' like a good bowl of ramen in the morning…" He put on his jumpsuit, tied his Ninja headband to his forehead, strapped on his pouch, pulled his Ninja sandals on, and rushed out the door.

"Shit! I'm probably late" He cried as he jumped into Training ground #7.

Nobody was there. "Dammit! They already went to get a mission?! Augh…." Naruto was about to launch off to catch up with them, when he saw Sasuke approaching.

"Dobe.. What're you doing here so early..? Don't you know that Kakashi set the meeting time to twelve today..?"

Naruto was taken aback, "What?! Nobody told me that!"

"Hn… Idiot…"

"Shut up bastard!"

There was silence for about two seconds, "Hey Dobe, can I see your ring..?"

The blond was startled for a second, but then he recalled what he had read the other night.

'_Just insult them…_'

'_Crap!_ _Didn't I take it off?!_' and looked at his hand and, indeed, the ring was there, shining brightly.

He was about to follow protocol for telling someone to fuck off when he had an idea… A very wicked, very mischievous idea…

"Why sure, go ahead Sasuke!" Naruto shoved his hand out and Sasuke hurried over, and examined the ring very closely. He leaned in nearer, and nearer, and nearer until his eye was just about touching the red emerald.

Naruto counted the seconds with his other hand. '_Three, four, five!_'

"Uh… Sasuke? Can you hear me?"

With a jerk, Sasuke was standing up straight, his eyes closed and his face blank… No news there.

"Yes…" Came his sleepy reply.

Naruto contained his childish glee for the moment; he was finally going to tell the bastard what to do! And he was going to obey him!

"Alright Sasuke-teme! You've been an asshole to Sakura-chan since forever! And she likes you! Well, today that ends! When any girl comes up to you, you will tell them that you are gay! HAHAHA!" He cackled evilly, then he almost burst out laughing at the next thought he had, "HA! ALSO! When you encounter men, you will attempt to flirt with them! From now on, Uchiha Sasuke, YOU, LIKE, MEN!"

He paused, "Do you understand?"

Sasuke nodded, "Yes, I like men, I flirt with men. I will inform any present girls of my homosexuality."

Naruto was almost crying with happiness, "Ahh-Hahahh… Okay, on the count of three, I will snap my fingers, and you will awake, with my instructions always present in your mind!"

"One… Two…. THREE!"

*snap*

_**End of Chapter 1**_

_**Chapter 2**_

Sakura walked in on the training ground, to find Sasuke being his usual charming self, and Naruto leaning against a tree, face red from laughing too hard.

She scoffed, who cares about Naruto? Her sights immediately turned towards Sasuke, the man of her dreams, and her future husband… Mrs. Uchiha… Mrs. Uchiha Sakura… She sighed in happiness. It was time to ask for what she so desired!

She ran up to Sasuke, "Hey Sasuke! Want to go out on a date?" She asked sweetly, with as cute a smile as she could muster.

Sasuke turned to her, eyes completely disinterested. "Sakura, I'm gay. HAHAHA." Then he turned away, as if he had just said 'hi' and was now doing his own thing again.

Sakura blinked.

"W-w-wha-what…? W-what did y-you say…?" She stuttered, probably for the first time since… Well, since before Ino first became her friend. Before that, she had been the loser, the 'weird kid', she had been 'forehead girl'…

Sasuke turned to her again, and repeated, as if he hadn't _just_ said it two seconds ago. "Sakura, I'm gay. HAHAHA." And again, he turned his back on her.

Not a tear fell from her eye; she merely retained a startled look, as if someone had just slapped her across the face. She weakly lumbered over to a tree, and sat down. She began mumbling unintelligibly.

Naruto looked up. Wasn't this supposed to be funny..? But not one sound of mirth came from his lips. '_Hmm… I'll try something more funny next time…_' He walked over to Sakura and plopped down next to her. "Hey Sakura-chan! Don't worry about the teme over there! He's always been a bastard like that!"

Sakura sighed, not at all in the mood for Naruto's ranting and frantic attempts at asking her out. She lay down on the grass, "Baka… Go away…" She requested without any hostility in her voice.

The blond walked away from the scene, and contemplated his actions… '_Hmm… Sakura is really sad… She probably won't go out with me today… Maybe tomorrow? Anyway, what else can I do with my ring...? Well, I guess I could hypnotize… Wait! I know what I can do to cheer Sakura up!_'

Naruto paid no attention to his conscience, and marched back over to Sakura, "Hey you! Slut!"

About two seconds later, Sakura's head snapped up, her eyes unceremoniously glued to Naruto's ring. "Hey Naruto, mind if I take a look at your ring?"

Naruto cackled, "Why, sure!" She jumped up and pretty much mirrored what Sasuke did.

Speak of the devil, he came over to Naruto, a smirk on his face, "Hey Naruto-_chan_, have I ever told you that you've got beautiful eyes..?"

Naruto almost choked... On second thought, fuck almost. Naruto choked. He choked on fucking oxygen.

'_SHIT! I FORGOT TO TELL SASUKE TO TREAT ME AS HE USUALLY DOES! SON OF A BITCH!_'

He inched closer to Naruto, "You've got a great body, how 'bout holdin' it against me?"

"U-uhh… N-no, sorry. I'm not into guys…"

"Nobody's perfect baby.." He whispered into Naruto's ear, throwing his arm around his shoulder. "But I'm givin' you the chance to be perfect with me…"

Panicking, Naruto quickly karate chopped Sasuke in the neck, knocking him out cold.

"Phew…" He whipped some sweat off of his brow, "That was a close one… Now," He turned back to Sakura, whom was still standing there, with that blank look that Naruto would grow used to.

"Alright Sakura. I know you're sad because Sasuke is gay. But I want you to move on! I want you to lose all interest in Sasuke, and move on to other guys! Go out with Kiba! Or Shika! Or Lee! Understand?"

She nodded meekly, "Yes. Go out with Other guys… Forget Sasuke…"

Naruto nodded, pleased with his orders. "Alright, on the count of three, I will sna-…" He paused, '_I need to get more creative…_'

"Ah! On the count of three, I will kiss you on the lips! Then you will awake, you will _not_ harm me! And my directions will always be present in your mind!" He positioned himself.

"One… Two… Three!" He leaned in and crushed his mouth against hers, sticking his tongue into her mouth, and savoring the few seconds he had.

A bit more than a few seconds past, and Sakura flung her arms around him and returned the kiss. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist, still taking part in the tongue war.

'_Holy shit! I guess those orders applied to me as well! Give me a HELL YEAH!_'

They made out for the next twenty minutes, and ended it with Naruto attacking her once more against a tree.

This was the scene that Kakashi arrived to; Sasuke pulling himself off of the ground, rubbing his head. And Naruto making out with Sakura up against a tree.

'_Huh… I could almost swear that I've seen this before… Somewhere… Oh yeah! This is from chapter 34 of Icha Icha Paradise!_' He sighed and gazed off into Icha land, an unseen smile on his face. Then he blinked as reality gained his attention. He threw his arm out and pointed at the blonde.

"Naruto! Leave Sakura alone!"

Sakura sighed in disappointment, and dropped down to the ground. "Did he hurt you Sakura?" He actually _was_ somewhat worried; having tree bark rubbed against your back was _not_ a pleasant experience… How did he know this?.. Well, let's just say that Rin was very... Er, _dominant_.

She yawned, "It's not what he did to me, Kaka-sensei… It's what I did to _him_…. And it's also what I _could_ do to _you_," She smirked seductively, and winked while striking a pose.

Now it was Kakashi's turn to blink.

She was flirting with him? The concept itself was ludicrous! She was like… Thirteen, and he was like… Twenty five!.. Or something like that.

Sasuke noticed him, and smirked, "Hey Kashi', Want to have a little _training session_ with our Sharingans? I'm sure we could _educate_ each other quite _thoroughly_...!"

Kakashi made himself a promise right then... To _never_, _**ever**_, _**EVER **_read more than one chapter of Icha Icha before bed… Okay, no more than three… Four tops! Ah, fuck it.

And since he had now concluded that this was all a dream, Kakashi gave his eye-smile™ to his favorite students. "Alright kids, let's go get our mission!"

"I'm game if you are Kashi'." Shaking his head, Kakashi jumped off, reading porn. And he was closely followed by his students.

-**Hokage Tower**-

Kakashi pushed open the door to Tsunade's office and walked in. He had his 'Icha Icha' in hand and had a blush on his cheeks. Just like usual...

Naruto waltzed in shortly thereafter, his normal annoying, obnoxious face with his, but he also looked like he had done a good deal of laughing recently. Just like usual...

Then Sasuke came in. Now Sasuke; he had been flirting with guys and sneaking peaks at their rears the whole way, and that had gotten him some strange looks. Now, he was holding Iruka's hand, and Iruka was blushing madly, not sure what to say…. Just like usua-wait a second... _Not so much_ usual...

And then came… Sakura? Where was she?

"Kakashi? Where is Sakura?"

Kakashi looked up from his book, "What?"

"Sakura? The _female_ member of your team?.."

Kakashi looked at Naruto.

"Kind of annoying?" He looked at Naruto again.

"Bubble gum hair…?"

"Oh, right… Naruto! Go get Sakura!"

Naruto ran out of the room…

"Hey! Get off of me! We were just getting to the good part!"

"Kakashi-sensei wants you Sakura!"

"Really?! Then why didn't you say so! Sorry babe, gotta go!"

Sakura burst into the room and jumped onto Kakashi. "You wanted me Kaka-sensei?" She whispered huskily into his ear.

Kakashi was not affected in the slightest; he merely pried her off of him and continued reading porn, despite her protests. "Sakura, I don't want you. Hokage-sama does!" He said cheerily.

Sakura looked at the Hokage, "Eh? Sorry Tsunade-sama, but I don't swing that way, we could have a threesome tonight though!" She blew a kiss at Tsunade.

Tsunade sighed, "Kakashi, would you mind explaining to me why Sakura is such a slut today… And why Sasuke is holding Iruka's hand…?" There was a pause, "Speaking of which, Iruka! Get the fuck out!"

Iruka was happy to comply, and quickly dived out the window. Sasuke would have followed, but Tsunade laid a sharp hand on his shoulder. Right then Sasuke stopped cold, took on a blank face, and said coldly like he had done to Sakura, "Tsunade, I'm gay. HAHAHA"

Tsunade blinked.

Kakashi stroked his chin, "Hrmm.. This is an odd development... That's the first time Sasuke hasn't taken such a perfect chance to sneak a peek at your-" Tsunade gave him a look, "Uh... I mean, this is strange! I am worried! We need to fix this!"

"Better." She sat down at her desk and glared at the group, "Ahem, anyone have any ideas on what happened to... Everyone?"

"No idea what you mean Baa-chan! Everything looks like the norm to me!" Bellowed Naruto, throwing his hands behind his head.

Tsunade and Kakashi looked at him curiously; it looked as if nothing was wrong with _him_... Then again, it was Naruto, something was _always_ wrong with him.

Kakashi laid the back of his hand on Naruto's forehead and frowned, "Well, Naruto seems to be okay."

"How the hell would _you _know Kakashi?! You're still wearing your glove!"

"Ah, touché." He glanced down at Naruto's ring, which had taken on a slightly brighter shade of red. "Oi, Naruto. Where'd the ring come from?"

Tsunade hadn't taken note of the ring before, but now looked at it and narrowed her eyes.

Said blond quickly began to panic, a string of sweat started climbing down his forehead.

-**This is as far as I've gotten, not sure whether or not its a good concept to build on... As in, robust in plot. Which I doubt-**


End file.
